::Fairy On The Moon::

SYED BIN LADEN ( the blood brother of osama bin laden) and loyal follower of AL QUEDA is practically satanic
you shld see him when he gets mad man...HE gives anger a completely new meaning man. and he was practically FOAMING at the mouth that day wen he angrily marched into the kitchen and started yelling at all the cooks. I only wish he would brush up on his vocab and be more original..i mean using the F word 10 times in one sentence isnt exactly very original. Maybe i should get him a dictionary or something. i mean is there anything he can say apart from F**K? really..and i expected much better of him. The sight of him shaking a finger at Nora and yelling at her saying " I can aggressive ok!" was one of the funniest things i have ever heard this year or perhaps in my entire life. Aggressive is simply an understatement and does absolutely no justice to his actions at all. I mean if the way he acted on thursday wasnt considered as aggressive i really WONDER what he means when he says i CAN GET aggressive. MAn.. i would like to see that..This mean does not know the word "limits". The word "relax" isnt found in his dictionary either, and the word "compassion" would be as foreign to him as russian wld be to me.. I found out that the story of him landing in prison for two months coz he kicked the ass of this poor ( and probabaly very traumatized till this day) gal at westin was true. i am currently working under an ex convict with extremely Violent tendencies and probabaly dosent see a limitation in things. He way he was ranting at the cooks was simply frightening. The amounth of saliva that muz have gone into the food while he was cooking muz have been enuff to fill up a swimming pool. God i pity the customers. And the way he was brutally handling the vegetables and viciously stabbing at the capsicums look as gruesome as a crimewatch show. And the funniest scene was when the general manager of CHINA JUMP marched into the kitchen and has a heated argument with bin laden. The other workers call him emotional. I don;t think emotional would be the correct word. ANywae i admit i enjoyed watching the scene where he was yelling at the china jump manager but i was also quite terrified at the same time. Remember..its syed..he can do anything when he is angry. Anywae i tkinda made him displeased last week. I kept threatening to fire me. I felt like telling him.." ok fine.." but i didnt. i specifically told him i COULD NOT work on tuesday and he put me on tuesday. then wen i told him i coulnt work, he started ranting and raving and saying that he was gona fire me, if i didnt show my ASS on tuesday, i was so mad i considered not turning up coz i mean he was infringing on my personal right and he dosent respect me at all, but i turned up in the end. SO i managed to appease Bin laden

but the questioni is..for how long? knowing him..id probabaly bein his black book again. Maybe id better quit now before he fires me...

dawn fairy on the moon at 2/19/2003

Sunday, February 09, 2003

this is so ridiculous. i Jus found out tt everyone thinks i liked this guy ( in the past) whom i didnt even like at all.
its damnn retarded. EVERYONE THINKS i used to like him. I used to Admire him becoz of this wonderful music skills, but i never did like him or nor was i in love with him. I think admiring or looking up to someone is an entirely diff thing lorz

there r now these two collegues of mine who r just irritating me like crazy. Im not shure why also. Okay. both of them have told me that they r interested in me, and i dunno why the heck..coz there r so many other gals there, and they keep doing all kinds of stupid things tt irritate me. at first they didnt irritate me, but i tink i onli became irritated after they told me they were interested in me. And the keep doing annoying stuff like 1) poking me on the waist. And i HATE pple to do that. regardless anyone. i dun even like my close frenz or family to do that. 2) one of them keeps calling me early in the morning and it irritates me coz im still sleepin, and hes wasting my handfone bill. ( anywae i scolded him juz todae coz i cldnt take it) ANd thirdly they keep dropping hints, and saying things in an indirect manner which irritate the hell outa be coz i keep telling them if there is something they wanna say they shld just say it directly. ANd actually, i dunno why these days, the sight of them jus irritate the hell outta me. HAiz. its just the way they say things and stuff that really turn me off. And i dun like guys who r too pushy and unfortunately they r very. I am just PLAIN not interested in them and i hope they will see it. ANd i tink they r many other better gals out there for them. Its not a good idea of them to be interested in me at all!
sighz
i cant believe ill have to see them on monday again
pls dun let me be in the same station as them!..oh pls..

dawn fairy on the moon at 2/09/2003

questions and answers...
a personal dialogue with MYSELF.. ( this is living proof im going insane..im mean im like talking to myself!!?)

WHich would be the BEST word to describe me

Misunderstood.

How am i feeling right now?

Weird.

How do others see me?

In EVERY way that i dun see myself as.

What pisses me off?

People.

The truth about Me?

I am just an ordinary girl, with ordinary hopes and ordinary dreams, still searching, trying to find myself. Why people always blow my life out of proportion or make up stories about my life is still a mystery to me.

My greatest wish?

To find true happiness and peace

Second greatest?

To lead a simple life. Really.

Am i rebellious?

Not really. It just seems that way sometimes..

WHat people don't know about me.

Its gonna take a very long time isnt it?

One thing people don't know about me?

I am quite screwed up. Seriously.

Greatest regret?

too many.. probabaly after i turned 17

i wish people would..

Mind their own business and quit saying things abt other pple that arent even true in the first place ( esp if u noe its gona hurt the other party)

dawn fairy on the moon at 2/09/2003

Tuesday, February 04, 2003

how the hell do you actually expect me to have FAITH again?
how the hell do you expect me to TRUST AGAIN?
when all along all the things that i believed were the truth were all LIES?
When all along i was FED all these lies and was told to BELIEVE they were the truth
maybe i just dunno what the hell is real anymore

dawn fairy on the moon at 2/04/2003

Monday, February 03, 2003

it just occurred to me that i have forgotten what it feels like to laugh
..no
i mean really laugh..
i have forgotten what it feels like to truly laugh

dawn fairy on the moon at 2/03/2003

like an outsider..
...u look at me...
..as if u know me..
..u look at me..
...as if you can see whats inside of me...
Can you see my pain?
Can you hear my cries?
will you look underneath my smiles,
to see how im hurting so bad inside?
feels like im standing outside,
looking at myself from a distance..
you seem so close,
but yet i feel so far away...
i watch myself break into pieces
yet i stand there frozen..
..helpless..
i confused the past with present..
..now i fear what the future holds..
..if only you would give me answers..
..if only you would stay to hear me speak..
..insider..
not anymore
..outsider..
..its like i don't belong anywhere
..i don't know where to go..
i don't know where i stand..
..i don't know what i am here for..
..i don't know anything..
..no answers..
uncertainty..
..unsure..
unsure of who i am.
maybe by ignoring everything i can pretend it dosent exist..
ignoring it dosen't make it disappear..
..why..?
if everything is okay,
then why?
why dosen't it feel right?

alone.

i feel all alone.

scared.

i am cold and lonely

frightened

will someone just take my hand?

confused

i feel like i just don't know anyone anymore..

broken

i feel so vulnerable

alone.

alone.

alone.

i feel so damn lonely

does this solitude feel good?
no.

i feel like an outsider to myself.
i feel like i don't know anyone anymore
heck i feel like i don't even know whats eating into me

dawn fairy on the moon at 2/03/2003

that idiotic "jing mao" still hasnt given me my pay yet. he was supposed to deposit it into my bank account!
oh well...i will demand it from him after i have "come back from malaysia". i feel kinda bad fer crappin up such a stupid excuse but i realie dun feel like seeing my horrid supervisor or facing those greasy screwed up buaya-ish cooks anymore. Its a nauseauting experience. i need toget my pay first before i tell them tt im quitting..if not they might jus neva give me my pay and after slogging my ass off over there...i tink ill kill myself..

anywae...here r more reasons why i DO NOT LIKE HIM

1) HIS HAIR still cannot make it (its not like mine can make it either but still..)
2) i still can't understand him due to language and communication problems.
3) he makes really awful jokes ( REALLY REALLY bad jokes)
4) Gladys keeps complaining abt him ( unfortunately everything she said abt him is true)
5) ...and alot more

and this time its really true. Im not trying to deny anything. i really plain DO NOT like him. Honestly. i Don't think abt him. I Don't miss him. And i just feel so plain stupid everytime i tink abt how i used to tink abt him. WHY? i dunno. but its not gona start ever again. Hes not even a good person to have as a fren coz hes like SOO dao and we r just reallie reallie plain not on the same wavelength. He will never understand me, the way i will never understand him ( fer obvious reasons) but then again..who really understands me? :OP
so the bottom line is..im soo over and done with tt and boy am i glad!

yeaYyy..its chinese new yr! wOohoo. actually come to tink of it..i really hate new year now coz theres just too much to eat and im a person who has NO SELF CONTROL wen it comes to food...which means ill grow really fat after new year. damn

just bought a new pair of Levis jeans fer new year yesterdae
i love it..but now i realise its a lil tight. i wonder why Levis jeans all come in such tiny sizes? i means U have obviously got to be or rather, LOOK anerexic to fit into them. i think singaporean gals all look undernourished. Ok...and i do wish sometimes..that i could look as undernourished too :OP i mean i wouldnt mind looking skinny..maybe just fer one day ;P ( who minds?) and if any gal abv a size 16 tells u she is damnn happy with her size, she is obviously kidding herself. ( she aint fooling us fer that matter) oh well, anywae i have no dieting plans or wad so ever, so ill just have to take things as it comes. But im really happy fer this break now, tt ill be able to get away frm work. Its really funny how sometimes i jus get so tired of work but then again im so afraid ill get fired or something and then i wont even be able to go to work! Its really ironic. on one hand i dread going to work, and on the other hand i want the job
oh well..

dawn fairy on the moon at 2/03/2003